My other grandmother had artistic talent, though she never had the chance to use it. But she did pass on her artistic inclination to all of her children and grandchildren. My father was an amateur painter while he was younger, and watching him paint is one of my earliest childhood memories. The smell of oil paint still gives me a rush of happy, warm feelings. I caught the art bug myself, and filled every available piece of paper with my doodles. Especially with my favorite subject: horses. I was a passionate horse girl!
Everyone around me expected me to get into a creative profession, but instead I became a librarian. For the biggest portion of my career, I worked on library services for the disabled. Eventually, though, I found myself with a disability of my own. It started with a sharp pain in my hand after working on a computer for a while. The pain became difficult to manage on my job, and I went through several doctors until I was finally diagnosed after two years: I had Thoracic outlet syndrome, a nerve and artery compression that caused me pain after repetitive use of my hands. I went though physical therapy as well as surgery, which did help manage the symptoms, but not enough for me to work full hours without pain. It became clear to me that working regular office hours was going to be difficult, and using a computer for several hours a day was no longer an option.
Although I didn't know it at the time, my next venture began when my niece told me about something new she was into: hobbyhorsing. She knew I used to make plush animals, and asked if I would help on on making a hobbyhorse. Of course I would! After one horse I was addicted to sewing all over again, but this time it was worse. Combining plush making with horses was the perfect storm. In fact, I couldn't stop. What else could I do but to make a business out of it?
I had only two problems: one was that I wasn't any good in making hobbyhorses. I hadn't sewn anything for years. I also didn't know anything about running a business. It was all in all a desperately foolish gambit, but I figured I had nothing to lose. If I failed, I would simply be where I had started. So I decided that if this was really what I was going to do, then I might as well be the best hobbyhorse maker I could possibly be. Not just the most beautiful horses, but the best quality in every way. If my professional life was going be a challenge, why not choose the challenge that would be the most interesting one?
It has been many years since then, and I'm still on the same journey. I'm still finding out how good my best is, and I think I still have ways to go before I have found the answer. It finally feels like all the pieces have fallen into place, and I've never felt happier and more fulfilled. Sometimes I feel like my grandmothers are looking at me, and what I have been doing with the gifts that they gave me. I hope they feel proud.
With much love,
Paula Kutvonen
Eponi
